5 Surprisingly Mundane Ways to Start a Fight with Me

Your guide to sending me into a fiery tailspin

I mentioned to my cohost in a recent episode of our comedy podcast that the best part of my mid-30s is the level of knowledge I’ve accumulated about myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loaded down with more personality quirks than ever, I just know more about them now. Chief among them? I have a few buttons you might be able to push without trying very hard.

Here are some favorites.

Email me back so fast I know you didn’t read anything I said

I have to admit, I got owned so hard with this first one, I determined to keep the trick on hand in case I wanted to spectacularly piss someone off in the future too (feel free to run with it!).

Here in Greater St. Louis, the software field is largely staffed by recruiting firms. Many of these recruiters seem to think of themselves as cattle salesmen, and they’re not in the business of negotiating with the herd. One particularly carefree coder merchant ignored so many of my questions and answers, I had to put together about a five-paragraph email clearing up the record and explaining I don’t care how good the job is anymore, I’m withdrawing myself from the process.