Your guide to sending me into a fiery tailspin — I mentioned to my cohost in a recent episode of our comedy podcast that the best part of my mid-30s is the level of knowledge I’ve accumulated about myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loaded down with more personality quirks than ever, I just know more about them now. Chief…

This happens sometimes. — I woke up early this morning with the best of intentions. The daycare down the street has started a frantic effort to expand for some reason, and the construction chaos is underway in the wee hours all weekend. …

I believe my father said the single most revealing thing about his role as a dad as he was reaching out to hold me for the first time. “Come and see your uncle!” Several of his siblings had children before he did, he says, and he was used to introducing…

There once was a boy tasked to sit on the hillside, watching over his village for mythical holiday characters. As the uneventful months passed, he came to resent the holidays entirely. The people danced and drank in late December as he watched for little Baby New Year until long after…

It was the end of the 1990s. The Tamagotchi had taken over the world, but sales were slowing for the first time. The conditions were perfect for the kids in our lower-middle-class area to grab one at a discount for the first time. …

Everybody hold on — the comics for Christ just played the science card. By now, you’ve probably seen the headlines: The Babylon Bee, widely thought of as the Christian alternative to The Onion, earned itself a locked Twitter account for promoting its article naming Rachel Levine, a transitioned woman serving…

A version of this story appears at my industry shop talk site, CodeWritePlay. The number 1 game in the 21st century is the waiting game. …

I was wandering around the kitchen one Saturday morning doing dad shit — making oatmeal for a 6-year-old and making messes I would later loudly complain about — when my hungry kid ran to the window. “Look at the balloons!” he demanded. Leaving the banana to mash itself, I took…

Music rights enforcement in content creation is impossibly broken — I like to cook. At least, I’m starting to enjoy it as my pitiful skills improve. I was helpless in the kitchen for a long time, but the fantastic modern meal kit services have let me play tee-ball at the stove long enough to believe I can actually feed myself…